Shagg. I want to sleep soon. Didn't manage to sleep yesterday. I have been thinking alot of things. Maybe this will be the last time i will stop thinking. Seriously, i had enough already. Why am i always the bad guy? Loving someone issit wrong? If you all think it is all my fault then so be it. I never ask for anything before, everytime someone criticise me, i will just walk away. I never even want to bother them. This time, i am totally hurt. Your words just hurts me. I also can't blame you either. This is you and this is me. We have different ideas and thinking. So it could just say everything is my fault. I am such a fool :) I know, You didn't ask me to wait for you, but have you think before has anyone in your life will do such things for you? When you are angry, he just shut his mouth and be apologetic and also putting you infront of anybody that he cares. I think i am the only one that will be doing that. This world is too cruel to be truth. This is perharps my last post of my journey towards you and i don't think you will see it.

Since we're not meant to be, so be it. I understand god have made arrangement in everyone's life. Bye. If you want to continue hate me or somehow criticise me, go ahead. I won't reltialiate.

I wonder why god is so cruel to me? He takes everything from me. The one i loved. Why? Why can't i be like everybody? Being happy everyday. I struggled everyday. Each passing moment i felt terrible, everything is going away from me. Even myself. I feel myself so useless. I can't even do a thing properly, which is forget about you. I don't know you still knows me or already forgetten about me. On the 8th May, you opened up my heart. I feel overjoyed than ever before.

I promised to god i will stay with you whole heartedly but now? Is this an sad parting? I don't want these to happen at all.

Why always all these things happen to me only, why am i the one always suffering in the pain quietly and no one else knows. This is not the 1st time time. I have been hurt this 1st time and this was the 2nd time. God, how long more do you want me to be hurt? Forever?


Agrh! What has become of me? A guy who have lost everything? Every day i stayed away from my home, i am tired of this needless beatings and scolding. What more do you want from me? I am already very tired. I just want to have a place where there is peace. I am not your punching bag. What more i could do? End my life?


God, please save me..

It's going to 1am and i am still awake ._. I think i am going to become an owl already. Sleep in the day, wake up in the night. I have been watching dramas to pass time. Seriously, i am super bored. I have been waiting for my agent to call me. Ever since you left me, my phone is just like a calling device, cold blooded machinary. I seldom SMS, i seldom make phone calls and i think handphone for me now is just a temporary tool. I could go MIA anytime without it :D

I watched this anime and it's says
:Do whats you make to be happy,
:Be with who who makes you laugh,
:laugh as much as you breathe,
:live as long as possible.

Somehow, i find it contradicting for me to understand. Is there eternal happiness at all? One of my friends said was true, many people said there will be forever. But where is the forever? Here, or there?

Another thing, i believe god is fair. Since there are 11.11 appear twice in a day which means everyone should deserve a second chance. But... Where's mine? Do i have a second chance?

What should i do? Continue to be fake person and smile infront of everyone even when i am not happy? I bet no one understands what i am going through right now. I am really tired. I want to close my eyes and forget everything.

God.. What should i do?


People say i am a retard and foolish, but this is my true love for you. I don't think you will know.

Firstly, I am so shagggg. Just reached home. Went to celebrate Yuancong's birthday. Happy birthday uhh brother. This year 17 le uhh. Be more man lei. Don't be so clumsy. I still remember we were in Sec 1 talking about Maplesea and was so crazy about it. HAHA. 5 years have passed. It is a honour to be classmates for 2 years and neighbours classmates for 3 years :)) Stay cheerful everyday and play soccer everyday with us ;D

When was the last time i received present? Perharps when i was small. Let me recall, i don't think so. HAHA. I already used to it already. Every year is always the same. Hide in my room and say Happy Birthday quietly and softly to myself. Pray hard for everyone to be happy :) This year was also the same. So i don't really mind people did not celebrate birthday for me.


I am so happy for others. Hah. Maybe it is just me. I will rather people to happy and i don't mind being sad :) This is life should works. I love to watch people being happy, it is like a great satisfaction to me. If my happiness could make everyone happy, I don't mind being sad at all :)

Aiyo, Here i goes again. Why am i so sad again? Maybe i need someone to remind me, maybe i should give myself a tight slap and wake me up. Cheer up, jiajie. Life is short. Maybe mine is even shorter..


If i was given a second chance i would definitely hold you hand tightly and never let go.

Damm what happen to me now?! I just feel like crying now >< Alot of things have happen and i hope to live to see everything. Damm fever struck me, i feel so numb and cold at night, when will i gone?






It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else
It's for the best, I know it is
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you
Not over you

Memories
Supposed to fade
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go
Didn't think it be this hard
Should be strong
Moving on
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret
Everything I said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now I'm on my own
How I let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand~~

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do

I'm just a little too not over you
Not over you



I still not over you. I know you have your own people to pursue. I just cant seem to face the truth.

Argh. Hectic day today. Went Badminton session with shaun. Super tiring. My hand was like... HAHA. After that went to Jingyi house to slack. I sang alot of song in his house LOL. I asked myself, Songs.. It delievers the message that we want to deliever. The lyrics within inself tells the whole story of a person.



t's been so long baby
So many hours, so many days
我心裡的這句話還是想對你說
Sarang Haeyo.

站在寂寞的舞台上
燈光下拖著自己的影子
音樂重複我們共同的憂傷
不是每一次的演唱　
就可以淡忘明天沒有你
In my heart, we'll never be apart

殘留手上的香味提醒我
在數位相機裡留下的承諾
每一封簡訊傳出的思念都對你說

Sarang Haeyo means I love you
代表著我離不開你
每分每秒每一個聲音
只有你撒嬌會讓我微笑

Sarang Haeyo 只對你說
I will love you and forevermore　
我答應, baby, you will see　
每一個我都屬於你


Sarang Haeyo means I love you
代表著我離不開你
每分每秒每一個聲音
只有你撒嬌會讓我微笑

Sarang Haeyo 只對你說
I will love you and forevermore　
我答應, baby, you will see　
每一個我都屬於你

Oh baby
I will love you because
我都屬於你



Aiyo?! Why am i feeling so sentimental right now? Cheer up man Jiajie :) Work hard for it! Work hard for a better tomorrow. Although miracles won't happen, i believe it will, if i fails at least i tried :) I have no regrets. Thanks god for granting my wish. Just talking to you will be enough for me. I am contented already. I dont wish for anything more. You be happy and stay healthy will be enough for me :)

Oh no! Gym session tomorrow. Gonna sleep early soon. Nightzxz all.

When i emo, you will always scold me. Now i am emo, I hope you will scold me. Scold me hard, wake me up. I seriously miss you. I tried to find you, you closed down your Facebook, I went to your house to find you. I stood on the badminton court below your court, i saw your kitchen window will shut tightly. I think that you will not be at home. I left silently.. I dont have to courage to msg u..

When i walk pass a temple, I stood outside of the temple. I prayed earnestly. I told God, Everything does not matter to me anymore, i would rather fail my Olevel, have an terminal illiness. I just want you by my side. You are the one that open my heart. I still remember how you scolded me when i quarrel with my parents. You told me dont care about them and when you grow up then take revenge. I always remember what you said, when i am happy you will be too. Issit this true? How am i supposed to know? I want to see you. Just a glance of you will do. That will make me truly happy. Although, sometimes you are abit fierce, I know you are concern about me. I havent forget yout birthday present. You told me you wanted Sims 2 right? I downloaded all the Sims 2 that i could find as promised. Where are you? I know you will be happy when i am happy. So from now on, i will be strong. I will make myself be more cheerful and happy. Just like the Jiajie everyone knows about. Hyperactive type. I think u will not see this but i want to tell you. I will waiting for a day. A day where miracles could happen.


No matter what happen i will be waiting and where ever you are, please be safe and take care of yourself :)

Waiting is a torture. But i feel that it will be worthwhile for someone waiting for. I believe understand this saying. Today, I had badminton session at Eunos CC. Feeling lethagic, i went to take a walk. I almost being bang down by a car. I asked myself, if i being bang down, will this all be worthwhile? Afterall i deserved it. I made so many regretful things happening to me. Thats why i am torturing myself for not cherishing you. When i see your smile, i hope it will be all worthwhile. Just stay happy. I dont mind continue to torture myself to make you happy. Afterall, everything is my fault.


No matter what is the outcome, i hope i could be alive watching you smile.

Photography. Someone taught me this. I will never forget what she taught me. Photography can bring out one's feeling. How is he/she feeling right now. I regretted not learning that, cause she's not around anymore. I really hope time would turn back, cherish every moment that i had. I did not notice it until i lost it. I.. Somehow hated myself for taking lots of thing for granted, Espcially you. I am so sorry, but now i know it is too late. I can still remember the day you know left me without any words and no answer. It's all my fault. Every day to me is like a torturous day for me thinking IF mircales would happen. I know that miracles wont happen anyway. Every night, i cried. Cried softly so that no one will know i am crying, hoping for a better tomorrow. Until now i still cant forget everything about you..


I know you will not be seeing this, I just write out how i feel. to perharps comfort myself. Hoping that everything will be okay.


Jiajie, tell yourself dont cry, everything will be fine. I hope miracles do happen..

When True Love stays aside
of any human 's life...

loneliness takes the place
prolonging nights and days


Olevel has ended 2 days ago. Many things seemed very werid for me.. Waking up too late in the morning while everyone has left the house. My house seems to be very empty to me now. Not much of a surprise isnt it? Hah.

After the Os, I found myself lost a lot of things and in the meantime i gained alot of things too. I lost you. The one that changes my entire life. Although i know that you may not be seeing this, but i really want to say a Big Thanks to you. You always said you hurt me but in the fact, is i am the one deceiving myself. I know i could not hold on to you forever. You have your own life. You have the right to pursue your freedom. Is good that you chooses someone else. As for me, I will try to not let myself be too emotional about it. I know sometimes is hard, I have to be happy infront of people to show everyone i am alright. I guess this is life. No one will understand it anyway. I just hope you are alright, hope that guy could give you happiness...


I gained alot of precious friends. I did not know how to cherish them last time. From now on, I will cherish them. I will spent every seconds fruitfully with you all.


Take care. Forget about me. Live on..